ask and ye shall receive – polarity switch

By Kervin | March 15, 2010 | No Comments

first, i will turn you into money, then i will put you in my wallet.

i put my wallet in my pocket and sit on it.

when i need some more money, i will buy it with you–

change you in for the one-hundred pennies you are worth–

PUNKSNOTDEAD

soggy, used, discarded you.

and when we’re done with you, we’ll put you in our pockets,

snap the tops, steal all your light:

spread four ways; corners of the earth.

your north is south, we hold your compass for you.

little babe, magnetized no more.

———-

hello, wide world of internet. kervin here, reporting from a leather sofa sitting in the recessed den of  a lovely townhome in tempe, arizona, and i’ve decided to do a convoluted-message advice column laced with hints of grandiose idea, nay, Idea, while i precariously sit across the room from an edward cut-out. his right eye is terribly photoshopped because the photographer was evidently incapable of using dramatic lighting efficiently. the creator, he is a blundering man.

so what is there to say about a person on vacation, what sorts of advice should he give, and what sort should he take? it is hypocritical to suggest relaxation routines, or perhaps just cruel, since this is all he is capable of. as the moment goes, he is not at work, nor at school, but not far enough out of these routines to forget all about them, so he piddles with the minds of those around him to see the gears grind; to see the wrench bend as he threw it in. silly, mischievous little man. occupy yourself with something self-engaging.

or burn it all down. we’ll be long gone before they figure it out.

ask and ye shall receive : episode one

By Kervin | February 10, 2010 | No Comments

greetings, all. blessed is the day without sleep; that long-haul stretch down a dark road.

i come to you today with the intent of imparting sage-like wisdom on those dumb enough to take it. as a disclaimer, i would like you all to know that any of the aforementioned dumb-dumbs whom take my advice will probably end up hospitalized or will straight-up disappear from the face of the planet. i will and shall not be liable for your interpretation of my encouragement! the lord works in mysterious ways.

a plump, delicious birdie once told me relationships are easy. however, it was hunting season, and the bird was obviously using methods of persuasion so i wouldn’t eat turkey pot-pie for months thereafter. i recently experienced death in its grandiose schema.

i’m no hunter; this is just a silly gag, but anyway– relationships: a great starting point for any opinionated dickhead to silence the voices. this particular example goes much deeper than he expects, which is good– his letter shows an uncontrollable urge to improve, something we cannot ignore anymore in ourselves!

february 10, 2010 — dear diary. it’s a cold, lonely wednesday morning, and i’m sitting on this green couch again– ashtray full of butts. maybe i will smoke one of these to quench the biting thirst of what probably amounts to an oral fixation. my eyes are half as tired as my lonesome heart, and i know that today i will fall asleep alone. again. i can’t bring myself to do any of the things that need doing– such is the tiring folly known as my sorrowful existence. i will take this broken heart and this broken life and throw it off a bridge for the opportunity of… something. someone. anything. anyone.

well, kiddo. what a pickle you’re in! delicious, salty brine. i’m going to start by suggesting that you start looking inward for contentedness, instead of trying to define yourself by fleshy, human appendages. you can do yourself some great justice if you improve your self-image! i suggest starting by reading the psychology of self-esteem, and when you’re really ready to get outside your shell, how to win friends and influence people. be sure to call me when you’re ready to accept your puny, succulent mortality.

and remember, it’s up to you, and only you, to make yourself happy! hobbies can help. :)